Gods and Goofballs: The Blog

Breakfast of NFC North champions

2011-01-09T18:22:00Z

Picked these up in the store the other day. Delicious. But before I bit into Roberto Garza's breakfast of NFC North champions, I stood frozen in front of the grocery store freezer.

A donut endorsement? Really?

Not exactly Brian Urlacher-esque or Devin Hester-ish. You know, Old Spice and Under Armour, and whatever other brands the Chicago Bears linebacker and receiver have inked with lately.

Cake donuts - absolutely fitting for an offensive lineman. Rather, Super Donuts - as described on the box, packed with five grams of protein and a claim to be No. 1 in nutrition.

Props to Garza and perhaps the most down-to-Earth endorsement on the market. Bet he eats 'em, too. Count on company at the breakfast table if the Bears win the Super Bowl.

Related post -- Wheaties: The Breakfast of Pack Rats.

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Should we be surprised?

2010-12-18T16:08:00Z

How does he do it?

This boy makes up for one less arm than everyone else with a powerful dolphin kick and ability to stay streamlined, keeping his head down and taking less breaths than his competition. You can see toward the end where he gasps for air - but he gets back after his stroke in time to touch the wall first.

This day and age we shouldn't be surprised he won. People are overcoming odds every day. But we are, because we don't see it everyday. We're a people that needs to be amazed, and the amazing need to be recognized and celebrated so that others have the courage to follow.

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Commercial stars Guillen ... or Rocky?

2010-12-18T13:35:00Z

We all remember feeling sorry for Rocky as he tried and failed take after take while filming endorsement commercials. Not the case here.

No reason to pout for Ozzie Guillen during this debacle. Unlike the punch-drunk Rocky, Guillen's quite a skilled actor, a verbal machine gun who can accurately shoot from the hip. At times during this White Sox ticket-package push, it even seems as though the commercial was masterfully conceived for the outtakes alone.

Watch as Guillen makes love to the camera in his Cosby-style Christmas sweater. Think he even grabs his left nipple at one point. Go ahead, watch now, and feel free to be slightly uncomfortable as you do.

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Book excerpt: Da Bears!

2010-12-12T18:23:00Z

    If virtually everyone on the '85 Bears has a (Walter) Payton-as-prankster story, Dave Duerson thinks he may have the best one. It happened after the 1985 Bears season as Duerson made the first of his four consecutive trips to the Pro Bowl.
    "We were in Hawaii, and unbeknownst to us, Walter had this thing that he did with quote-unquote rookie Pro Bowlers," remembers Duerson. "So we're over at the stadium, and it's media day, and we got our shorts on, and we get on the field, and it's this beautiful 85-degree day on the island of Oahu, and there's this wonderful island breeze - and I'm sweating bullets. But the heat is coming up from my nuts.
    "Walter had put liquid heat, unscented liquid heat, on each of the first-year guys' jocks, both in the NFC and AFC. The equipment guys were all in on it with him. He got there early in the morning and put this all in our jocks. So we come running off the field, almost in unison, because our balls are literally heating up."

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Can I get a witness?

2010-11-29T21:58:00Z

Ed and Mike would have been enough proof to print this in the newspaper I work for, but God's good to mention to. Best to, really. He prolly had a hand it.

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Who's on board?

2010-11-17T17:30:00Z

Maybe it’s the inner child in me – or the channeling of Ricky Schroder's – but this might just be the coolest logo in sports right now.

Not only does the engine appeal to youth, it seems to fit Chicago's rail history and market.

So who's on board?

Oh - and a personal visit from the Steam's mascot (a cloud of ... ?) for anyone who knows what league the Steam plays in. Before clicking.

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Who said it? (11/14/10)

2010-11-15T05:37:00Z

I just like having the ball in my hands. I feel like I can do great things with the great talent that God blessed me with.

Hint: A star on a first-place NFL team. Answer here.

Previous Who said it? entry: 7/9/10 edition.

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Prayer power?

2010-11-14T16:48:00Z

Maybe it was becausehe prayed before the big fight. Or maybe because he's a freak of nature. Maybe both.

Whatever the reason for Manny Pacquiao destroying Antonio Margarito for the WBC World Super Welterweight title Saturday night in Arlington, Texas, it's worth pondering. And, for good measure, saying an extra prayer before bed tonight.

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Piss poor

2010-11-14T13:15:00Z

   I think we all know what happened Saturday. But who suffered the greater loss?

    Follow us on Facebook and Twitter. Graphic credit: Jason Brown.
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Book excerpt: The '85 Bears

2010-11-14T12:36:00Z

        Anyway, here we are in camp and we have to rally together, all of us. The ones who are here. The ones ready for this goal. McMahon may have been a jerk - I remember his first year he ran the mile and a half in almost 13 minutes, walking the last part, looking like he was going to puke and die, behind everybody but our very heavy offensive lineman Noah Jackson - but he was on board.
        I read that in 1984, even with his lacerated kidney, he'd gone out for Halloween with his teammates, dressed as a priest, drunk. He had a Bible with him, and I guess when you opened it, there were photos of naked women inside. Well this was football, not religion.
        There in Platteville we came together, because there wasn't anyplace to go. We had a pig roast or something and the cornfields were all around. Some of the guys rode sooters everywhere, and I guess that was a little risky. One year Van Horne, a huge guy at six foot eight, ran into a rope across a sidewalk or something, and if he hadn't been so tall he might have been decapitated. As it was, he just got some nice rope burns on his biceps.
        We knew we were a pretty good team in 1984. And in 1985 we knew we were better, even if we had issues. Screw the issues.
        We were ready to kick ass.

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